A hell of a day (and post)......

I know that you all have been waiting eagerly for my next post (this is not over-confidence but is said to be confidence building up for a blogger who has just entered the blogosphere). Now, this isn't the type of post wherein I will catch some moron and will start writing about him stuff even I don't know (thank me vineet, you are spared this time). Change is the only constant thing in the world. So, this one is going to be a narration of incidents on one fateful day in the college. But I had been planning of late to write atleast something about politics in colleges (even if I don't know the 'P' of politics). The mood of the colleges during this time (during elections) of the year is worth noting. There is much brouhaha, campaigning, private meetings with private people and processions everywhere. Groups of people whom you haven't seen even come to your room vouching for their candidate and there are handshakes and hugs and what not until you say that you will surely vote for him. There have been dozens of door-knocks as I write this. I am fed up of this and thinking of putting a note outside my room that ''please go away bastards......I will vote (for you) only if you dont knock". But, more about the college politics later. There is a story to tell. Here it is....

It was at around 4 AM on Tuesday, 18th of August when I finally decided to sleep. I had already made up my mind to miss the morning lectures. But, still I had set the alarm for 8.30 to have my breakfast even though my average of taking the breakfast is once in around a month (I never lose hope).

At 6.30 AM, Mohit comes to my room to take my shoes as he sometimes go to gym (I guess once a week). Now this Mohit is one another character of our class. This guy (or something else???) wants to do every possible thing in this world (or rather, universe) ranging from wanking to gyming to scoring a perfect 10 SG and to reach IIM-A. Since, it isn't like my previous posts, so I mustn't digress. So, as he finds my shoes, I have already slept again in the process and so my door is left open. At around 7.30 AM, the same DON (refer to my previous post) after taking bath (I sometimes forget what it is) comes to my room.

DON: abbe kukki uth jaldi, aaj vka sir (yes, I respect him) ki extra class hai 8 baje.

me : kya???? acha tu jaa uth raha hoon main.

I again sleep.

At 7.40 again, DON comes.

DON: abbe uth jaa attd back lag jayegi nahi to...

me: haan..

Then, baba enters. This baba (OM P), another of a character of our class. Now, I can't describe him here, he needs a separate post for himself.

Baba (OM P): oye kukki, uth jao jaldi, class nahi jaana kya....fir mat kehna ki babaji aap hume uthate nahi ho.

me: thik hai babaji...uth gaya...

Baba leaves and I go to DON's room.

me: abe yaar, please proxy maar diyo....(now the whole drama starts from here).

DON: saale, abhi misra ji ne bhi bola hai........uth gaye to chalo naa (daily he says this when asked for proxy), abhi frusty bhi bolega.....

me: please yaar...(and I come back and sleep again)

I again wake up at 8.40, thinks it will be good for my attendance to go to the class.

When I reach class at 9.00:

Shikhanidi: bete, gaye tum sab...tu, frusty aur kholu.

Me: kya huya be???

Shikhanidi: proxy pakad li aaj sir ne....tum teeno ka naam dean ke pass jayega ....jaake sir se mil lena

DON (from behind): oye hamara naam nahi aana chaiye....nahi to.......

Me: hamare kyon, jisne lagayi hai uska jaana chaiye....ye kya b*k****i hai

Shikhanidi: jaake sir se mil lena .....

DON (again, from behind): oye hamara naam nahi aana chaiye....nahi to.......

For your knowledge, mine proxy was by DON and the proxies of frusty and kholu were by shikhandi bond (the morons, that they are, had marked attendance for us in a class of just 20 odd people) and this was the first time when the sir (again yes, I respect him. Hate the subject, not the prof. teaching that subject) counted the no. of students and the no. of presents or the first time when the proxies had been put (I don't know).

The next class starts and I suddenly go into thoughts which never came to my mind earlier. Some of them:

1. We, three, have to spend one more year here after this one in case of year-back (you never know of vka sir and the dean).

2. What if the whole class has to suffer due to us?

3. In what fashion, we have to weep in front of the sir to forgive us this time.

4. If we look at it differently, there was no fault of ours. We never asked anybody (atleast we could say this in front of the sir) for the proxies.

And, the IDM sir was lecturing his usual stuff in his usual tone.

After the lectures, at 12, we (frusty, kholu and me) go to the sir's office. After entering, we gawked at him in a stupid way waiting for him to start the conversation.

sir: haanji boliye

me (after looking at the other two bozos): sir...sir...aaj wo, we were absent in the class and kisi ne proxy lagayi thi...(what a lame attempt at describing the case)

sir (didn't let me complete): haan kis kis ki lagi thi....3 the

me: haan sir, we three (as if it wasn't obvious)

sir: haan to jaiye....dean ke pass naam bhej raha hoon....ab to wahi karenge jo karenge

me and kholu (in unison): sir, sorry sir...is baar kuch mat kjiye...next time se aisa kuch nahi hoga...pls sir

sir: pehle to mujhe naam bataiye un bachhon ke jisne proxy lagayi hai...

me: sir, we dont know anything....nobody is telling us.

sir: nahi to fir jaiye, kuch nahi ho sakta....

me and kholu: sir, please sir....we dont know....we cant help....agar hume pata hota to hum pehle hi bata dete

sir: aise nahi hota....hume bhi to pata chale ki aap ke beech kitni gehri dosti hai...ki galat kaamo me saath dete hain log ek-dusre ka (this he was speaking with his rare smile......we could clearly see that he was obtaining sadistic pleasure)......agar tum bata doge to punishment thodi mild ho sakti hai (In a way, he was bullying us to tell the name of culprits)

me: sir, we dont know....

sir: tumhe pata hai maine aaj bachhe kyon count kiye class me....kal maine ravindra bhawan ke saamne 1 bachhe ko suna tha...wo dusre se keh raha tha ki meri proxy laga diyo...(I thought goddamn, if I could find that bloody a****le). ab tum naam bata do aaj shaam tak nahi to main naam bhej doonga

Meanwhile, frusty, the bond was tension-free.....looking at us in a way that nothing has happened, otherwise if he would have pleaded in the same way as he did when he was caught on the day of 'amma's end term exam', we could have been saved from all the scourging there itself. My god.....that plea would have forced vka sir to grant us five extra attendances, put aside sending our names to dean.

After spending about some 15-20 minutes in his office requesting/urging him to forgive us, we moved out. He also told about how someone was caught in prof. IM Mishra sir's class and there was only mild punishment when he told the name of the person who had marked his attendance otherwise his name would have gone to the dean.

All the three morons come outside discussing what to do now. We did some brainstorming as to what our next step should be. We tried to contact some peeople of IM Mishra's class. Nobody was answering our calls. Finally, there was one who picked the call. He told the full story.

Kholu (to two of us): us bande ne naam bata diya tha jisne proxy lagayi thi and fir use 1 week ke liye suspend kiya tha bas.

me: kya bas 1 week.....yaar agar hum 1 hafte ke liye chale gaye (which was the minimum we were expecting) to hamari lag jayegi...we wont be able to make 75% of our attendances.

Frusty (for the first time): abbe yaar ab mazaa aata hai aise kaam karne me......

me (obviously, very frustrated with him): saale ........ m**** *********************** teri *******. (he got some real thrashing from me).......my god....ishan....why dont u understand.....we're fucking fucked.....tere bheje me kyon nahi ghuss raha kuch.

me: abbe call laga yaar shikhandi aur DON ko aur bula unhe....bata denge sir ko ki kisne lagayi hai.

The two bonds come after around 30 minutes and we decide to go to his office again. DON again says "oyye hume kuch nahi hona chaiye ......nahi to......". Just as we were about to enter his office, he came out and was leaving and summoned us to meet him at 5 in the evening.

At 5 PM, we all gathered together to meet vka sir. And, as we were about to go, we noticed that one of the best profs ( you know what the word 'best' means when used with a professor) of our deptt. (Mr. CBM) was sitting in his office and they both, probably were doing simulation of some biochemical process (I guessed this from the subjects they both teach). We were, ergo, forced to wait outside for around an hour and had to suffer some serious gibberish from our very own DON. Meanwhile, Ishan (frusty) had very peacefully gone to sleep.

We were waiting for CBM to move outside. But, to add to our woes, prof. S Sinha also went inside his room. They all probably were carrying out the simulation of a biochemical process and prof. sinha was adjusting the thermodynamic parameters. Darn, what in the hell have we to do about what they were doing. We were just waiting for them to move out. Also, we couldn't have gone inside with any of the other professors present because if they were made aware of our deeds, then they would also be alert in their classes. Meanwhile, DON was non-stop talking his non-sense about non-sense topics and Ishan was enjoying his sleep.

After, some more time as soon as we saw that all the profs had gone out except vka sir (there was another prof Shri chand and I will not delve into what type of simulation they were carrying out), we immediately barged in the office.

sir (to kholu): haan to ab batao kisne lagayi tumhari proxy

kholu: sir, saurabh singh (shikhandi) ne..

sir (to shikhandi): kyon lagayi tumne proxy..

Before he could say anything...

sir (to me): tumhari kisne agayi..

me (with the expression of sir, we are really sorry): sir, harshit ne

sir (to frusty): tumhari kisne lagayi..

frusty: sir saurabh ne hi...

sir: acha chalo badiya hai ab tumne bata diya kisne lagayi thi proxy....ab dean ke pass nahi bhejoonga letter

we all in unison (except ofc frusty): thank you very much sir...

sir: ab jao aur 1 apology letter likh ke lao saare ke saare....

As soon as we got out, we all couldnt control our laughter (I dont know why). We immediately started our apology letters. Again, frusty was waiting for one of us to finish so that he could copy that. I was thinking that the moron, that he is, may also copy the name of that person from whom he was copying the letter. So, to avoid any further wasting of time, I immediately told him not to do the same. As we were writing our letters, we noticed that another prof. Mr. RB entered his office. Now, this was too much. We were waiting outside the deptt. office for RB sir to come out.

Then, from nowhere Mr. IDM (another prof and HOD) comes and:

IDM: arre tumne luthra ya raj ko dekha hai....pata nahi kuch kaam karte nahi hain......pata nahi kya hoga schemcon ka (schemcon is a sort of chemical conference to be held at IITR this time), hume tension hoti rehti hai...

Before we could reply, he went away.

Then, again some serious squalling from the (or, THE) DON. This time, though, frusty wasn't sleeping and he was also one of the sufferers. So, after waiting for about an hour, we saw Mr. RB leaving the vka's office. Without wasting even a second, we all went in his room.

After taking our apology letters from us and reading thoroughly:

sir: chalo ab dean ke pass nahi jayega letter...

We thanked him and just as we were about to leave his office:

sir: lekin punishment to jaroor milegi....(wtf from me)....

We all (again ofc w/o frusty): sir, sorry sir....we will never do it again.....this was the first (dont laugh at this) and the last time.

sir: nahi nahi punishment to milegi hi.....ab jao kal class me pata chal jayega kya punishment hai tum logon ki.....mera time mat waste karo aur....

We all leave at around 7.15 PM from the deptt.

Next day, we were shocked to not see shikhandi in the class (my god....what a gutsy man he is). After he took the attendance, we were waiting to hear something unpleasant from him. But, as they say, the fortune favours the brave (:P), his class finished with nothing special announced. We all were very happy and relieved (if not all, I was, because some others among us have previous experiences too of facing dangers more serious than this one) . And, there was nothing in the name of punishment from him. I love you sir. We all are not hoping that someday, sometime, he may tell us that I had send the names of all of you to the dean and here is the punishment...................

PS: This post was more of colloquial type and so I was a bit informal.

PPS: I never thought that this proxy-thing will open up such a Pandora's Box for us.

PPPS: All five of us were involved in writing this post.

PPPPS: I have known lately that in the last class of vka sir, many proxies have been profused again.